Now or Never: Long-Term Care Strategy with Kosta Yepifantsev

Writing Your Final Chapter with Kimberly Best

December 13, 2022 Kosta Yepifantsev Season 1 Episode 14
Writing Your Final Chapter with Kimberly Best
Now or Never: Long-Term Care Strategy with Kosta Yepifantsev
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Now or Never: Long-Term Care Strategy with Kosta Yepifantsev
Writing Your Final Chapter with Kimberly Best
Dec 13, 2022 Season 1 Episode 14
Kosta Yepifantsev

Join Kosta and his guest: Kimberly Best, Owner of Best Conflict Solutions, focusing on Collaborative Problem Solving in Healthcare, Small Business Mediation and Conflict Management, Organizational Conflict, Elder Mediation, Family and Relationship Mediation. Kim is a TN Rule 31 listed Civil mediator and a TN Rule 31 trained Family Mediator and Author of How to Live Forever: A Guide to Writing the Final Chapter of Your Life Story.

Today we’re talking about end-of-life planning, how to approach the unapproachable conversations and the most impactful tools to ensure your legacy is preserved forever.

In this episode: The last taboo topic: death, the importance of end-of-life planning to ensure that our loved ones wishes are honored and that their legacy is preserved, understanding having open, honest conversations about death and dying can be difficult, but it is important to have these conversations in order to properly plan and how to make actionable steps for your final chapter: including a checklist of necessary legal documents and information that should be provided to family members.

Watch this episode on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqcQAjiG4js

Find out more about Kimberly Best and Best Conflict Solutions:
https://www.bestconflictsolutions.com/

Buy How to Live Forever: A Guide to Writing the Final Chapter on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Forever-Writing-Chapter/dp/1973675331/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1591704264&sr=8-1

Find out more about Kosta Yepifantsev:
http://kostayepifantsev.com/

Show Notes Transcript

Join Kosta and his guest: Kimberly Best, Owner of Best Conflict Solutions, focusing on Collaborative Problem Solving in Healthcare, Small Business Mediation and Conflict Management, Organizational Conflict, Elder Mediation, Family and Relationship Mediation. Kim is a TN Rule 31 listed Civil mediator and a TN Rule 31 trained Family Mediator and Author of How to Live Forever: A Guide to Writing the Final Chapter of Your Life Story.

Today we’re talking about end-of-life planning, how to approach the unapproachable conversations and the most impactful tools to ensure your legacy is preserved forever.

In this episode: The last taboo topic: death, the importance of end-of-life planning to ensure that our loved ones wishes are honored and that their legacy is preserved, understanding having open, honest conversations about death and dying can be difficult, but it is important to have these conversations in order to properly plan and how to make actionable steps for your final chapter: including a checklist of necessary legal documents and information that should be provided to family members.

Watch this episode on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqcQAjiG4js

Find out more about Kimberly Best and Best Conflict Solutions:
https://www.bestconflictsolutions.com/

Buy How to Live Forever: A Guide to Writing the Final Chapter on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Forever-Writing-Chapter/dp/1973675331/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1591704264&sr=8-1

Find out more about Kosta Yepifantsev:
http://kostayepifantsev.com/

Kimberly Best:

One way that makes it easier at the end is to know that you're honoring the wishes of the person who is dying. I mean that gives a lot of peace acknowledging like I just tried to be honest I mean it hurts it's a it's a muddy road we have to go through there's really no way around it not talking about it doesn't help us get through it.

Caroline Moore:

Welcome to Now or Never Long-Term Care Strategy with Kosta Yepifantsev a podcast for all those seeking answers and solutions in the long term care space. This podcast is designed to create resources, start conversations and bring awareness to the industry that will inevitably impact all Americans. Here's your host Kosta Yepifantsev.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

Hey, y'all, this is Kosta and today I'm here with my guest, Kimberly Best Owner of Best Conflict Solutions, focusing on collaborative problem solving and health care, small business Mediation and Conflict Management, organizational conflict, elder mediation, family and relationship mediation. Kim as a Tennessee rule, 31 listed civil mediator and a Tennessee rule 31 trained family mediator and author of How to live forever a guide to writing the final chapter of your life story. Today, we're talking about end of life planning, how to approach the unapproachable conversations, and the most impactful tools to ensure your legacy is preserved forever. Welcome to the show. Kim, thank you so much for joining us. I want to talk about your book, How to live forever. What inspired you to write this? And what are the main objectives of the book? Well, first, thank you for having me. And thank you all for listening.

Kimberly Best:

Yeah, it's a pretty interesting story. I was building my career as a conflict manager and mediator and happened to take a course in how to write a presentation, or a book with John Trent, who is a psychologist and author. And then he took a small group of us on and I never meant to be an author of a book. But I was determined to finish what I started. That was my initial thoughts. But it just what struck me and and surprised me is the book started flowing, and it came from, I've been a registered nurse since 1980. I have experience in every intensive care, trauma, and ultimately, the emergency department. And I am a passionate believer, and we only have now because tomorrow is not guaranteed, watching the decisions that have to be made around and of life watching them not be made watching the fractured relationships that go into that stage. The book just came together to talk about how to finish well. And I want to say really quickly that the reason for the story is the very first person I saw die, you know, 19 year old nurse, and I'm sitting at the bedside of someone. And for some reason I just pictured, like just bookends closing, like I saw her story. And I wondered about, you know what she loved what she didn't love. I just wonder no family was there. In every time since then, the rest of my career when I saw the end of someone's life, I saw that as a story. So our story is our legacy, right? And we're doing it. And we're purposeful about it. But very often, we're not purposeful about the ending.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

When you talk to healthcare professionals, or just everyday people that have read your book, what type of feedback do you get from them?

Kimberly Best:

Well, I give some anecdotal send there. I tell some people stories. So I get people who cry.I'm touching stories. But mostly, I didn't know, you know, the legal section. You know, having wills and advanced directives. People know the will part most people have a will. But the other parts of the necessary requirements that I include a list of a checklist of things that you should have in order so your family can take care of things like your passwords and what happens with your pets, and just a lot of things like that. But I think the whole concept of my life is a story and I'm writing it, you know, the talking about the unmentionable death and dying and MIT trying to turn it into a conversation. I get actually gratitude that I get people who actually answer it and say, it was hard, but I'm so glad I did it. Yeah, absolutely. And so, in your experience, what is the most overlooked part of end of life planning, but I want to add just one little thing to that. Okay.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

Why do you think people are so scared about having these conversations?

Kimberly Best:

My answer is going to be kind of both of them. The hardest part about it is admitting we're gonna die. And I think I say that it's the final taboo subject, you know, the final thing, we will talk about anything, but it's around fear that we don't talk about it, right. But we are going to die. And other societies, you know, who deal with death more often can be more open to it than ours, I think we have this story we tell ourselves that is it's not supposed to happen to me. And it does happen. It happens at any age, and it's part of life. So I feel like it's one of those things that if we bring it to light, it'll lose some of the fear and shame if we start talking about it. We can accept it, plan for it. And even treasure the life we have now, knowing that it is finite.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

When you talk to family members that are having these conversations about their loved ones passing away, how do you sort of ease some of their anxieties and fears not necessarily the person who is at risk of dying, but the people around them? Who honestly don't want to lose them?

Kimberly Best:

Yeah. So it's, it's so fair to mention that it's not without loss, and it's not about pain, and losing hurts? I mean, for sure. I think that's, well, it brings to mind a woman that I met a few months ago, she's end stage disease, she said to me, this is my last year to live. And it's actually harder on my family than it is on me. And, you know, it just it just is the floss people who are still in my heart and still in my mind, but that is the way life goes. So I think one way that makes it easier at the end is to know that you're honoring the wishes of the person who is dying. I mean, that gives a lot of peace. Acknowledging like, I just tried to be honest, I mean, it hurts, it's a it's a muddy road we have to go through, there's really no way around. But not talking about it doesn't help us get through it. I can't imagine, you know, I'm assuming that's the component of elder mediation that you do. And I can't imagine sitting in a room discussing someone's end of life at because I'll be honest with you, I have some individuals that that we care for, who say, when you talk to them, similar to what you said about this as our last year, they say like, I'm ready, you know, I'm ready to go.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

And during the pandemic, that was kind of a common theme, because, you know, we were talking about reducing the transmission of COVID. And all of the safety measures, and the lot of the people that we cared for, they didn't have those concerns. They said, I'm ready. You know, I mean, granted, they're, they're 90 years old, her late 80s and 90s. And but they're, and I almost, I gotta be honest, and I hope this doesn't get me in trouble or anything, but I almost felt like maybe they are ready. Maybe we're just we're overcomplicating their life, for our own personal needs. So do you run into those types of environments where you're sitting in your office? And you want to say that, but can you say that? Is that something that I

Kimberly Best:

mean, you have to build a rapport with people right first, and that is more comes across as a question, you know, what makes this hard and it always comes down to fear of losing that person, imagine your life without them and I say, you know, that leaves a hole, it will leave a hole in your life, and that will be filled some other way. But, you know, avoiding it isn't going did make it not happen. I want to touch a little bit on what you said about the COVID thing and people being 90. I wrote something at that time that went pretty viral on Facebook. But it was I expected to get a lot of pushback from it because I wrote on the irony of having a dying population, people who are in nursing homes and keeping them from their families. And even if you're in some kind of assisted living care or you know full care, whatever it is, you're probably at, your family's probably helping with the caregiving. They're probably depending on you, not to mention the loneliness factor. So the one thing around health care that my book is You John is quality of life. And we make a mistake like we want older people and infirm people to be safe at all costs. And we as young people want value autonomy over safety. Well, the truth is, so do the older people, the AARP did poll, lots of polls, they want autonomy, the right to live their life the way they want over safety, because we are going to fall apart, we are going to fall and break things. It's all part horrible part of the aging process. But to bubble wrap people and keep them from what is joyful for them, to me was true. So how do you end up and I'm not going to get super complex, since you know, this is for the for the customer, but I am curious, your opinion on nursing homes go to great lengths, I mean, just absolutely great lengths to reduce the liability of carrying somebody you know. And so like you were saying, bubble wrapping somebody, and I'll be honest with you.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

I was talking to someone, since we're both from Tennessee, our Medicaid agency, someone higher up in our Medicaid agency here called 10. Care. And they said we need to get away from health care being about compliance and mitigating risk. So why do you think that we are still focusing on those two factors in 2022, soon to be 23, as opposed to focusing on? Why not just let an individual live their life the way that they want? And if you know, just like if I were to decide that I'm going to smoke four packs of cigarettes and drink a case of beer every day, then it's going to have a negative effect on me, why can't Why can't somebody it's 85 Do the same thing? Oh, what a question. Yeah, it's a, we've backed ourselves into a corner with litigation and letting systems be responsible for our decisions. And actually, a big part of that is not accepting that, pardon, my French shit happens, you know, things are gonna go sideways in life. And that's part of life. So in expecting a level of service of care of responsiveness,

Kimberly Best:

we don't leave the the natural margin for error, because there is like there are things that are done that are shouldn't occur. And there are things that are done because they're going to happen. And we haven't discerned those when part of that is not accepting death. Right. But I can't accept that there isn't a cure for this thing. So one of the things I say is, you know, your your death is not a failure of the medical system. It's not a punishment for eating too much bacon or for something you did, you know, it just is. And so people Sue, because they think there's this perfect standard. And in whether it's in any of our systems, our education system, our health care system, we we have to make room for a reasonable error, because we all know that.

Unknown:

It's a good point. As a professional conflict mediator that focuses on conflict coaching family and eldercare mediation, what do families need to prepare for in their personal relationships as family members? Ah, yeah, great question. So I think in all of our lives is families, the hardest thing is change. And my family is going through some changes right now. And I think it's so ironic to watch the struggle even knowing that, you know, to see the struggle,

Kimberly Best:

I think, keeping in mind that the changes will happen that can't be predicted. I think getting help along the way when you need it. I think making is many moments matter. So valuing the relationship over the political party. You know, I think the good thing I learned from watching so many people being with so many people when they died is this is all we have is now that tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us. I have never met someone who came into the emergency department that had that on their plan in the morning when they woke up. So I think just being aware, and again, that's being aware of death that helps you live better, right? Does it help to just slow down and kind of smell the roses? Is that kind of in an essence what you're doing through these mediation sessions as you're trying to get somebody to just slow down and have like a real intelligent conversation about what comes next. I like the concept of slowing down. I think you're right, our minds race, and we all tell ourselves a story. And it's slowing down, it's a great way to mitigate for that conflict taught going in our head. But it's also some reality testing, is the story I'm telling myself actual? Or is it coming from a place of fear, which is very often, often the case. So I think making a safe space to have difficult conversations. And that means it's not about blame. And you won't be judged, because most of the time, everybody else who's struggling with the same thing, we just haven't been vulnerable enough to have the conversations.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

If you if you could, could you maybe go give us an example about what a typical conversation is like, between a son or daughter, in their mother and father? And what kind of impactful tools and methods you use to help the conversation go into a positive direction? Yeah, so most of the time, the conversations are probably between siblings, and Oh, okay.

Kimberly Best:

And when you have these really well, one of my clients said, you know, now I'm literally making decisions for someone else about life and death. When you have these long histories, and this can be with your parents, and in this in a child as well, you have a long history, and that and that dynamic has changed. It isn't what you what it was, when you were five, it's sort of flip flops, you know, I think it's kind of a circle, how we go from meeting care to giving care, you know, just to full circle that keeps repeating. So, again, it's, you know, making it safe for everything to be on the table. And that is everything and designing something to move forward. It's like you can't do a whole lot about what's happened. But you can design the future that you want. And people get a lot of hope and relief, and that you know, what happened before definitely matters. And it's shaped us now. But we still have the capacity and the freewill and the heart to change what the future looks like. When you talk to these families. Do most of them have kind of an end of life plan? Do they at least have like a retirement type of long term care planning and those types of elements in their plan? A lot of times what they have is the typical will and the legal papers may be an advanced directive that doesn't include details, what happens if I can't eat, if I should need a feeding tube, not the details. And then I think the one thing I like about my book is that it recognizes your life as a story leaving your life as a story, leaving your legacy as an actual story. And I'm gonna do a shout out because there's an app called, oh, gosh, I thought I wrote it down. Story worse, okay, that is something you can gift. It's incredible. And they will, you can ask questions of your family member, and they can record those. And then they make a new hardbound book, it is the coolest thing to get not expensive. It's it's something that will connect people around these stories. And it's something you have forever to pass on for generations. I have a reminder, for next week, actually, my grandfather is 8384. So he was born in Russia. So it was and he moved to the United States in 1992. I moved in 1994.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

And I have been meaning to sit down and talk to him about his life and everything that he's sort of went through. So we left Russia as Jewish refugees after the fall of the Soviet Union after a significant rise in anti semitism. And so there was Jewish community centers that kind of helped give visas through a lottery to individuals, and it was either San Francisco, Atlanta or New York that had the predominant areas. And so we moved to Atlanta. But I'll tell you, that is thank you. I know it's kind of off topic in terms of but maybe not. It's Thank you very much for sharing that. That's actually extremely useful for me personally. It's very cool. Yeah, I love that. It's called story worth. story worth Yeah, it online. I mean, it's fantastic. Not pictures even so that even makes it cooler. So can I ask just a poignant question. I mean, what do you what is your opinion of the healthcare industry? And if any, if you may, can you iron down maybe to the long term care industry. What's your opinion on the long term care industry?

Kimberly Best:

Is there anything in particular on that? Because that's a very big question.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

I mean, it is it is. And let me ask it a different way on. What's your opinion? If I may, and ask you kind of a pointed question. What's your opinion on our healthcare industry as a whole? When it comes to the United States? Do you think that we're doing a good job of helping our elderly parents live the best years of their life? When they enter when they turn 65? That better question.

Kimberly Best:

Yeah, that's a big question. Well, first of all, I have to do I'm the best answer to that is there is an amazing book by a tool Gawande called being mortal being and he breaks down and this guy's a genius. It's a fascinating read, I think I've read it, I don't repeat books, I think I've read this four times, it talks about our healthcare system and how it got to where we are, we are now expecting a healthcare system to walk an older person through their end of life, which is different from most societies, that artists still, that person is still a member of the family. So it's something else we've given over to a system that can't possibly have enough people to manage that the way that we would like it to be. I did it the the problems are the same as they were when I first started nursing. I'm a big fan. And I'm a believer that most people who aren't in medicine don't know how hard we work. Absolutely. It's not like it's a you know, it's not like a car garage, where something's broken, you drive through, we know what to tweak, everybody's different. So what works for this person doesn't work for this person. And it's just, it's just hard work. So I believe that the system is doing the best it can. I also believe in personal responsibility. And I believe that we as individuals have to do what we can to take care of ourselves. I mean, we're in a society now where it's kind of like, I can do whatever I want, and they'll fix me. Well, that's, that doesn't even sound good, you know, let alone be possible. I mean, why do you think that we don't take the responsibility of caring for our parents, because that's when I think of solutions to a lot of the issues that we face in the healthcare system. And I do work with a lot of patients being in long term care that are end of life.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

And I always wonder to myself, what would it take for instead of getting so much feedback from relatives, and conservators and powers of attorney? What would it take for them to take on the responsibility of caring for that individual and let us provide intermittent care? Or, you know, there's a lot of places in the world that don't even have that.

Kimberly Best:

So, right, I, that's a great point at will, we're going 190 miles an hour. Caregiving is hard. It is a big commitment. And you're the beautiful thing that you said is that if we could include the opportunity for intermittent care and respite, we could probably have something there. But our system, our expectation is now around the medical sensitive medical systems job. Well, it shouldn't be I mean, they say the consumer driven thing, right, but it's just a mistake that happened. And I still think the problem with a medical system is they err on the side of living. I think that's cost us all, and part of it is the myth of recovery. You know, it's hard, you're constantly walking a fine line between hope and regret, you know, when you're making decisions about about care, and I have, I have so many questions that I can ask you right now, and but I have to keep it till only a handful. I will be here for 10 hours, err on the side of living. What does that mean? Describe that? Well, if you don't have a advance directive or your family members don't know what you want, or you can't reach family members, because of the legal things that you talked about the liability. The medical system is going to resuscitate your 90 year old grandmother who comes in with her heart stopped because they have to because otherwise, there's a potential for Well, we still wanted her to live and that Again, is the conversations around expectations. There's living with your heart beating, but being miserable. And sometimes we make those decisions. And I've seen those patients were torturing them. And we don't have time for me to tell the day about time in the intensive care where I literally fell apart because a family finally realized that they were torturing their loved one to try to keep them together. It makes me want to cry now. I mean, I just don't miss collapsed. Because day after day, we're taking care of people who deserve who deserve because they've worked hard their whole lives, they've raised their families, they deserve to go out in a way that is as painfree money, dignity, and as much their choice, but we have to have this conversation. So we know what their choice is.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

Do you think that there's a financial incentive behind keeping them alive?

Kimberly Best:

There are folks that say that I am, I am one of those sort of nice people who, you know, that that's somewhere I don't go. It. I mean, it could be and the older I get, and I'm not young, the more kind of appalled I can be about how money dictates things. But for me, that's too hard to bear, you know, to go into that. I mean, helping people get to where they have to go, that I can do but if the big systems are, you know, corrupt or money driven? I mean, I think, to some degree, there's no doubt it would be untenable to think and we're about to get back to the to the show, we just went down a rabbit hole, I apologize. It's antenna, it's untenable to think that our health care system is completely run by

Kosta Yepifantsev:

major insurance conglomerates, and they set the directives of how people should be cared for that, perhaps the drug industry too, but this boots on the ground people, the doctors and nurses that are taking the abuse, they're not motivated by them. I agree with that. I agree with that. 100%. And they are maybe the last line of defense against what I would consider administration. Yeah, no, that's true. All right. So back to it. How early? Should you start making these plans? Who needs to be involved?

Kimberly Best:

So all the stakeholders, I think, should And how do you confirm and solidify these types of agreements. have at least some say, or at least know what the plan is. And by plan, I mean, in detail, as much detail as possible. How early The truth is, you don't have to be old to die. So I know someone who who died young of a cancer of a young I mean, very young, she had a young child. And the whole time that she was dying, her family told her she wasn't dying, that she couldn't die, the two of them and just and so I think about this lady who went out without even being acknowledged where she is. So I think, you know, sometimes we don't have time to prepare, because you know, things happen to younger, but if we've prepared with other people will understand the whole process more. So I don't think there's too young of a time, obviously, you don't want to have this discussion with your children. But I want to add that if you do know somebody who's dying to be honest with their child about it, yeah, this is a hard part of life, we're gonna miss this person. And you know, there's a lot of questions that come with that some of the stuff we don't know the answer to we say, well, we don't know. We just have faith that but but not sweeping it under the rug and being honest about it is that's that's a conversation that it's helpful to start shining a light on.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

How many meetings do you typically go through before you can, I guess, get to the end of these agreements being, you know, solidified, and everybody being on the same page?

Kimberly Best:

Great question. So a mediators favorite answer is it depends. Literally, it depends on how much conflict history that family has. So the better their communication, people who can communicate really well and talking, they probably don't need to hire somebody like me, because they have the skills to work through conflict. Now, on the bright side, if you're struggling with it, we all do, like almost no one has learned the skills to deal with conflict. So sometimes people are just giving up and throwing up their hands and saying Do what you want, which isn't a very peaceful way to go either. So I think you know, you learn a lot about handling conflict better when you go through the process to tag people who, you know, come to agreement pretty quickly. And I have people that I've literally working with for months, I have walked people through the whole process good people through the whole process. And I talk about one my favorite story of a gentleman who was a football player, and he came in with a disease because of probably head trauma where he would become progressively paralyzed. And he came in and he said, You know, I have this diagnosis, I know I'm going to die. I'm just going to sit here and wait to die. And I said, Well, that's an option, you can do that. But I, my dad had the same kind of thing. And he decided he was just going to quit, and he lived 10 more years. So just maybe think about that you're modeling this for your children, that you maybe have more time. And a we walked through the whole process. And every time there was big decisions making we had the family together. Finally it came time for hospice. And we did the story worth we did we did the whole process, you know, that the book lays out. And when it came time for hospice, they made their choice. And he cracked a terrible joke. And the family laughed. And I walked out of their house, stunned, because who laughs when it's time for hospice, but somebody who is ready, somebody who was ready, and she didn't, she said, I don't know why they were married, like, almost 50 years. I don't know why I didn't grieve so much I do. Because she was ready. She grieved along the way, you know, but she was prepared it just beautiful.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

Before we wrap up, I want to ask you how you started. Best conflict solutions. And also I know, we talked a little bit about elder mediation as a service that you provide, and how you picked that as one of your specialty services. That picked me.

Kimberly Best:

And that picked me Yeah, I started best conflict solutions after a really bad divorce. And recognizing that there was a better way, a less painful way, you know, the litigation process makes people enemies. And mediation helps bring people together because we sit down and have the conversations that are difficult. So with or without attorneys, I prefer if you can start the process, the earlier you started, the earlier it is to go through, you know, figuring out how to make things better. But even with attorneys, that's possible. The reason that when I first met took my first mediation course at Hofstra University, someone said to me, oh, you're a nurse, you'd be great for elder care. And I was like, Well, okay, and then it just kind of morphed into that largely because of my nursing. And, you know, when I walked my dad through end of life, he lived with me for 10 years. And during the divorce, I had to move him into somewhere else. And, you know, that contributed that move contributed to his rapid decline, which is something I have to live with it. I know, that was all I could do in that moment. Right. But I think just the fierce part, the fierce belief is like every moment matters, is I want to be able to help people have that along the way. So that is the I mean, that's why I stay with other.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

Absolutely. And you truly believe that elder mediation is a crucial and essential part with the long term care and end of life planning.

Kimberly Best:

Absolutely, absolutely. I believe mediation is essential for handling any kind of conflict where we need a third party to help us see and untangle the two sides and see and help get to the middle. I say everybody needs a muse. Yeah, absolutely.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

I, I talked to so many people and I and I always tell him I say I just wish they would have taught us conflict resolution skills and like, you know, high school or something around and it's a shame that that we go through our entire life. And that is correct. You don't know how to talk through conflict.

Kimberly Best:

I just talk on conflict as much as I can for just that reason. And I'm torn like I feel a pull to start trying to find ways. There are some some schools teach peer mediation, which you learn a lot about conflict through that eye, our future our children are our best hope. So I anytime around conflict or conflict teaching, you want to talk to somebody, please reach out to me. I'm pretty passionate about that. So another point in question before we finish. How do you think we're doing in terms of raising our children to be better at handling conflict? Well, I think if we don't know how to do it, we can't raise our children how to do a point and then. And I want to add that when I talk on conflict, I say, so think about when you were a child, and you were the source of conflict, what happened. And those were the tools that we learn for handling conflict. They're one of many areas, of course, we learned from other places, too. We learned about it through power and control, and peers and bullies, and you know, all the wrong ways to learn about conflict. But, you know, timeout, I believe, teaches us to reject right, it teaches us to walk away from people who need us most in conflict. It's good banking, it means if you do something wrong, which I don't know, I tried to be perfect for most of my life, and I just realized I can't. But people are gonna make mistakes and bad judgment. You know, it's just a What are we doing? What are we doing around teaching that I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave you with this. My life lesson every year, I get a life lesson. And this past year, it was, you know, every moment is an experiment. Because it's one we've never been in before, we do not know how to do this moment, because we've never been in it before. Now imagine being a child and applying that, sometimes we will get it right. And sometimes we're just going to make the wrong decision. Because we don't know what comes next. Right? Or for whatever reasons, we can't always know what the outcomes going to be. So if we can brace ourselves with that, okay, I didn't get that, right. But it's a learning process. And I'll do it better next time. And also do that for other people. Imagine the difference that could make absolutely right.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

So we always like to end the show with a call to action. What's your best advice for someone entering the long term care industry as a patient, a caregiver, or an industry professional?

Kimberly Best:

Okay, as a patient, I would say use your voice, you are still in charge. It's your life. Don't let anybody tell you what you should or shouldn't do. As a caregiver. Definitely compassion. When I was when I was 16 years old, I started working as a nursing assistant in a nursing home in a little town in Indiana. And I learned words that have stuck with me the rest of my life, particularly in caregiving, and that is, the person training me said every person is someone's mother, is someone's father was somebody's child is someone's brother, sister. Remember the humanity? We don't know what's best for someone else. You know, maybe in some brief moments, but the most part, you know, empowering people to make their own decisions. Absolutely.

Kosta Yepifantsev:

Kimberly, thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate it. And you've given all of us a lot to think about. And I think you've touched on some really important things not just for what you do, but for what we do in society as a whole. So for that, we are very grateful.

Kimberly Best:

Thank you. Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.

Caroline Moore:

Thank you for joining us on this episode of Now or Never Long-Term Care Strategy with Kosta Yepifantsev. If you enjoyed listening and you wanna hear more make sure you subscribe on Apple podcast Spotify or wherever you find your Podcasts, leave us a review or better yet share this episode with a friend. Now or Never Long-Term Care Strategy is a Kosta Yepifantsev production. Today’s episode was written and produced by Morgan Franklin. Want to find out more about Kosta? Visit us at kostayepifantsev.com

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